Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about a lady and a parrot
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel, and there was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car.
After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She turned red, and replied, "You mean it shows that, too?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Really Ugly!
A lady was walking down the street to work, and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, as you can imagine, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot, and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "WOW lady, you are still really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird if the manager didn't take care of this problem.
The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work, the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She stopped and said, "Yes?"
The bird paused, then said, "You know."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Completely Smitten!
i Gang,
Today we have a story about a elderly lady and a fairy godmother who appeared.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant with twins.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Completely Smitten
As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a fairy godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.
"Well," said the woman, "I guess I'd like to be rich."
POOF!
The fairy godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.
"And I wouldn't mind being a young and beautiful princess."
POOF!
The fairy godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.
"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.
The elderly woman's dog raised his head and uttered a single, weak, hoarse "woof."
"Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?"
POOF!
There, in front of the old woman, who has now turned into a beautiful princess, stood the most handsome young man any one had ever seen. More handsome than any one could possibly imagine. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.
As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, "I'll bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story about a elderly lady and a fairy godmother who appeared.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant with twins.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Completely Smitten
As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a fairy godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.
"Well," said the woman, "I guess I'd like to be rich."
POOF!
The fairy godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.
"And I wouldn't mind being a young and beautiful princess."
POOF!
The fairy godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.
"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.
The elderly woman's dog raised his head and uttered a single, weak, hoarse "woof."
"Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?"
POOF!
There, in front of the old woman, who has now turned into a beautiful princess, stood the most handsome young man any one had ever seen. More handsome than any one could possibly imagine. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.
As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, "I'll bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Blonde Pilot!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about a blonde pilot.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join blonde.
Q: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They're too hard to retrain.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Blonde Pilot
A blonde went to a helicopter flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it!
The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.
He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story about a blonde pilot.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join blonde.
Q: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They're too hard to retrain.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Blonde Pilot
A blonde went to a helicopter flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it!
The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly.
The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.
He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
See-Through Lingerie!
Hi Gang,
Today we have story who went to Victoria Secret to buy his wife a present.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we go shopping.
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
See-Through Lingerie
A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.
"This is $200," she says.
"I want one that's more sheer," says he.
"This one is $350."
"I want it even more sheer than that."
"This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500."
"I'll take it!"
The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me."
His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference."
So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs.
"So, how do you like it?" she asks.
Her husband then complains, "Darn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the damn thing!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have story who went to Victoria Secret to buy his wife a present.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we go shopping.
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
See-Through Lingerie
A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.
"This is $200," she says.
"I want one that's more sheer," says he.
"This one is $350."
"I want it even more sheer than that."
"This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500."
"I'll take it!"
The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me."
His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference."
So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs.
"So, how do you like it?" she asks.
Her husband then complains, "Darn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the damn thing!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Senior Couples!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about a couple of senior couples.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the Seniors
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was
flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the
car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My
problem is I've got two
chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.
They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all
day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I' ll give you $100 for
your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered
into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their
seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San
Diego when suddenly he was
horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands
with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
What the heck are you
doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the
zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over---so now
we're going to Sea World.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Such A Lovely Name...
A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in
back chatting.
Bernie turns to Marv and says, "Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last
night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too."
Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of
this fine new eatery?"
Bernie says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's the
name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny
bush?"
Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me..."
"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife...
"Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at
last night?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story about a couple of senior couples.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the Seniors
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was
flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the
car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My
problem is I've got two
chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.
They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all
day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I' ll give you $100 for
your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered
into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their
seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San
Diego when suddenly he was
horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands
with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
What the heck are you
doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the
zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over---so now
we're going to Sea World.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Such A Lovely Name...
A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in
back chatting.
Bernie turns to Marv and says, "Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last
night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too."
Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of
this fine new eatery?"
Bernie says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's the
name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny
bush?"
Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me..."
"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife...
"Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at
last night?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Don't Lie to your Mom!
Hi Gang
Today we have some good advice for you "Don't Lie To Your Mom"
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we go further.
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone.
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Don't Lie To Your Mom!
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother,
I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, John."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have some good advice for you "Don't Lie To Your Mom"
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we go further.
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone.
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Don't Lie To Your Mom!
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother,
I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, John."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Honey....Pumpkin...Sweetie....
HI Gang,
Today we have a story about a guy who was invited to an old friend's house for dinner.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Honey... Pumpkin... Sweetie...
A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner.
His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."
His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story about a guy who was invited to an old friend's house for dinner.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Honey... Pumpkin... Sweetie...
A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner.
His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."
His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Who Wears the Pants?
Hi Gang,
Today we visit with a newlywed couple on their wedding night.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for
her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought
she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the
point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking
me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with
milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face".
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Who Wears The Pants?
A newlywed couple is getting undressed on their wedding night. The husband,
after removing his trousers, tosses them over to his new bride.
"Put those on," he says.
The wife looks at him curiously. "What did you say?"
"Go ahead, put them on," he says again.
"Well...okay," she replies, and she puts the trousers on. However, even
after fastening the belt, they are still way too large for her, and they
just fall down around her ankles. "I can't wear these," she says.
The husband looks at her. "All right," he says, "now just remember that. I'm
the one who wears the pants in the family. And don't you forget it!"
So the wife slips off her panties and throws them to her husband.
"Put those on," she says.
"What? What are you talking about?" he asks.
"Go ahead," says the bride. "You made me do it, now you go ahead and put
those on."
"Well, okay," he says reluctantly, and starts to put on the panties. But
they are much too small, and he can't even get them up past his thighs.
"I can't get into these," he says.
The bride looks at him and says, "That's right--and you're not going to,
either, until you change your attitude!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we visit with a newlywed couple on their wedding night.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for
her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought
she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the
point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking
me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with
milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face".
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Who Wears The Pants?
A newlywed couple is getting undressed on their wedding night. The husband,
after removing his trousers, tosses them over to his new bride.
"Put those on," he says.
The wife looks at him curiously. "What did you say?"
"Go ahead, put them on," he says again.
"Well...okay," she replies, and she puts the trousers on. However, even
after fastening the belt, they are still way too large for her, and they
just fall down around her ankles. "I can't wear these," she says.
The husband looks at her. "All right," he says, "now just remember that. I'm
the one who wears the pants in the family. And don't you forget it!"
So the wife slips off her panties and throws them to her husband.
"Put those on," she says.
"What? What are you talking about?" he asks.
"Go ahead," says the bride. "You made me do it, now you go ahead and put
those on."
"Well, okay," he says reluctantly, and starts to put on the panties. But
they are much too small, and he can't even get them up past his thighs.
"I can't get into these," he says.
The bride looks at him and says, "That's right--and you're not going to,
either, until you change your attitude!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Adam's Ribs!
i gang,
Today we have a story about Adam's Rib.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we joion Adam & Eve.
A Blondie enters a store that sell curtains. She tells the salesman, "I
would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured her that
they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns,
but the blond seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects
a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains she
needed.
The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman, "That sounds very small, what room are
they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer
monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains!"
Blondie says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Adam's Ribs
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands....
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're
the
only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a
strange
pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about
the
torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story about Adam's Rib.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we joion Adam & Eve.
A Blondie enters a store that sell curtains. She tells the salesman, "I
would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assured her that
they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns,
but the blond seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects
a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains she
needed.
The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman, "That sounds very small, what room are
they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer
monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains!"
Blondie says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Adam's Ribs
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands....
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're
the
only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a
strange
pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about
the
torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bingo for the Dying!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about a fellow who got struck by a bus.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet the fellow.
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was
ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your
other ear?"
"The jerk called back!" she exclaimed.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bingo For The Dying
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He is lying near
death on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest.
Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps.
A policeman checks the crowd...
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again.
Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years
of age.
"Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic.
But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on
First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I
can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying
man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:
"B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72..."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story about a fellow who got struck by a bus.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet the fellow.
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was
ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your
other ear?"
"The jerk called back!" she exclaimed.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bingo For The Dying
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He is lying near
death on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest.
Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps.
A policeman checks the crowd...
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again.
Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years
of age.
"Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic.
But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on
First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I
can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying
man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:
"B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72..."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A Mule, a donkey, or A....?
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about a preacher who found a dead mule in the Church yard
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the preacher
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." he sighed,
"... let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A Mule, a Donkey, Or A ...?
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police.
Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department.
They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.
The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story about a preacher who found a dead mule in the Church yard
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the preacher
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." he sighed,
"... let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A Mule, a Donkey, Or A ...?
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police.
Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department.
They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.
The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.
Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How Dogs and Women are the Same!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a study on How Dogs & Women Are The Same!
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we look at the study.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How Dogs & Women Are The Same!
HOW DOGS & WOMEN ARE THE SAME!
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
Both tend to have "hip" problems.
Neither understand football.
Both look good in a fur coat.
Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Both constantly want back rubs.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
Both put too much value on kissing.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
HOW DOGS & MEN ARE THE SAME:
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both like to chew wood.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither does dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a study on How Dogs & Women Are The Same!
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we look at the study.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
How Dogs & Women Are The Same!
HOW DOGS & WOMEN ARE THE SAME!
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
Both tend to have "hip" problems.
Neither understand football.
Both look good in a fur coat.
Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Both constantly want back rubs.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
Both put too much value on kissing.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
HOW DOGS & MEN ARE THE SAME:
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both like to chew wood.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither does dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Cookie Crumbles!
Hi Gang,
Today we visit with a elderly man dying in his bed.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy'
before we join the man.
Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
A: She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Cookie Crumbles
As the elderly man lay dying in his bed, death's agony was suddenly pushed aside as he smelled the aroma of his favorite homemade chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with intense concentration, supported himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. In labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally HUNDREDS of his favorite chocolate chip cookies! Was it heaven?
Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table. The aged and withered hand quiveringly made its way to a cookie near the edge of the table; feeling the warm soft dough actually made the pain of his bones subside for a moment. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.
What, then, was this sudden stinging that caused his hand to recoil? He looked to see his wife, still holding the spatula she had just used to smack his hand.
"Stay out of those!" she said, "they're for the funeral."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we visit with a elderly man dying in his bed.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy'
before we join the man.
Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
A: She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Cookie Crumbles
As the elderly man lay dying in his bed, death's agony was suddenly pushed aside as he smelled the aroma of his favorite homemade chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with intense concentration, supported himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. In labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally HUNDREDS of his favorite chocolate chip cookies! Was it heaven?
Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table. The aged and withered hand quiveringly made its way to a cookie near the edge of the table; feeling the warm soft dough actually made the pain of his bones subside for a moment. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.
What, then, was this sudden stinging that caused his hand to recoil? He looked to see his wife, still holding the spatula she had just used to smack his hand.
"Stay out of those!" she said, "they're for the funeral."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Senility and the Spotlight!
Hi Gang,
Today we join two elderly women out driving in a large car.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
A state trooper was driving along in the country when he noticed a small
black coupe swerving all over the lonely back road. He put on his flashers
and pulled the car over. Hopping out of his cruiser, he then approached the
blonde lady driver.
"Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The blonde replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had
an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I
swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to
the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer
replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Senility Lamp; The Stoplight
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I
could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light
was red again... and again they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had
been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting
nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next
intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and
they went right through.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran
through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we join two elderly women out driving in a large car.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
A state trooper was driving along in the country when he noticed a small
black coupe swerving all over the lonely back road. He put on his flashers
and pulled the car over. Hopping out of his cruiser, he then approached the
blonde lady driver.
"Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The blonde replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had
an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I
swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to
the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer
replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Senility Lamp; The Stoplight
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I
could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light
was red again... and again they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had
been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting
nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next
intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and
they went right through.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran
through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Messiah Himself!
Hi Gang,
Today we listen to a conversation between a Rabbi and a Priest.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we listen.
A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Messiah Himself
A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you go in your organization?"
The Priest says, "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."
"But, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.
"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an Arch Bishop," said the Priest a bit cautiously.
"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
"Now, if all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal", said the priest.
"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.
Hesitating just a little bit, the Priest said "I suppose that I could be elected Pope, but the odds there ..."
So the Rabbi interjects, "And could you be anything higher than that? What is there higher than the Pope?"
"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"
The Rabbi leaned back, smiled, and said, "Well you know, one of our boys made it..."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we listen to a conversation between a Rabbi and a Priest.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we listen.
A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Messiah Himself
A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you go in your organization?"
The Priest says, "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."
"But, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.
"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an Arch Bishop," said the Priest a bit cautiously.
"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
"Now, if all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal", said the priest.
"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.
Hesitating just a little bit, the Priest said "I suppose that I could be elected Pope, but the odds there ..."
So the Rabbi interjects, "And could you be anything higher than that? What is there higher than the Pope?"
"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"
The Rabbi leaned back, smiled, and said, "Well you know, one of our boys made it..."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A Fabulous Holiday!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story abut an older lady and an older gentleman.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet them.
Q: Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
A: There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the
escalators for over four hours.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A Fabulous Holiday!
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older
gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous
destinations around the world. The agent had had a very good week and the
dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you
could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous
resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and
book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted,
and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to
thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share
the room with?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story abut an older lady and an older gentleman.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet them.
Q: Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
A: There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the
escalators for over four hours.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A Fabulous Holiday!
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older
gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous
destinations around the world. The agent had had a very good week and the
dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you
could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous
resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and
book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted,
and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to
thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share
the room with?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Alabama Trooper!
Hi Gang,
Today we visit with a Alabama Trooper.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet him.
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were? The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of
someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLOOOOOO," answered the blonde.. "They're WATCH DOGS
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Alabama Trooper
Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a state
trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the
driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with
the stick.
The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Alabama, son. When I pull you over, you'll have
your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the
guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with
the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger asks, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say: 'I wish
that jerk would've tried that stuff with me!'"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we visit with a Alabama Trooper.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet him.
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were? The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of
someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLOOOOOO," answered the blonde.. "They're WATCH DOGS
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Alabama Trooper
Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a state
trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the
driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with
the stick.
The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Alabama, son. When I pull you over, you'll have
your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the
guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the
window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with
the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger asks, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say: 'I wish
that jerk would've tried that stuff with me!'"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Blonde Kidnapper!
Hi Gang,
Today our story is about a Blonde Kidnapper.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before join the Kidnapper
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde that............she thinks Taco Bell id the Mexican Phone Company.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Blonde Kidnapper!
This blonde was really down on her luck, needed some big time cash quick so she decided that she was going to have to become a kidnapper.
She goes to a playground and grabs a ten year old boy. Then she writes out the ransom note, saying...
"I've kidnapped your son. Place ten thousand dollars in small bills in a paper bag and place it under the slide at the playground by 9 tomorrow morning."
....signed, "The Blonde Kidnapper"
She pins the ransom note to the boy's shirt and sends him home.
The next morning she shows up at the playground shortly after 9, and sure enough there's a paper bag under the slide. She opens the bag containing the ten thousand in cash and a note:
"How could you do such a thing to another blonde!?!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today our story is about a Blonde Kidnapper.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before join the Kidnapper
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde that............she thinks Taco Bell id the Mexican Phone Company.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Blonde Kidnapper!
This blonde was really down on her luck, needed some big time cash quick so she decided that she was going to have to become a kidnapper.
She goes to a playground and grabs a ten year old boy. Then she writes out the ransom note, saying...
"I've kidnapped your son. Place ten thousand dollars in small bills in a paper bag and place it under the slide at the playground by 9 tomorrow morning."
....signed, "The Blonde Kidnapper"
She pins the ransom note to the boy's shirt and sends him home.
The next morning she shows up at the playground shortly after 9, and sure enough there's a paper bag under the slide. She opens the bag containing the ten thousand in cash and a note:
"How could you do such a thing to another blonde!?!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Star Crossed!
Hi Gang,
Today we visit with two beggars in Mexico City.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
She was Sooooooooooooooooo blonde .................................She got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Star-Crossed
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions.
People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any ontributions in this country holding a Star of David." And he walks off.
The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says:
"Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we visit with two beggars in Mexico City.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join them.
She was Sooooooooooooooooo blonde .................................She got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Star-Crossed
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions.
People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any ontributions in this country holding a Star of David." And he walks off.
The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says:
"Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Story about Hillary!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about Hillary
Bromo in Chicken country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join Hillary.
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hillary and Her Driver
(I don't create 'em! I just forward 'em!)
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road. One evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you," asked Hillary?
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me.
!
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story about Hillary
Bromo in Chicken country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join Hillary.
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hillary and Her Driver
(I don't create 'em! I just forward 'em!)
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road. One evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you," asked Hillary?
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me.
!
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Blonde and the Final Exam
Hi Gang,
Today our story is about a Blonde and her final exam.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the exam.
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde .................that she lost the breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the otherr swimmer's cheated, they used their arms!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Blonde & The Final Exam
The blonde reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes/No answers.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, takes a quarter out of her purse. The blonde then starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "No" for tails.
Within 30 minutes she's all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period, the blonde again frantically starts flipping the coin again.
The moderator, concerned about what she's doing, stops by and asks if she's ok.
"Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago -- but, " explained the frantic coin-tossing blonde, "I'm going back thru and checking my answers!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today our story is about a Blonde and her final exam.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the exam.
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde .................that she lost the breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the otherr swimmer's cheated, they used their arms!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Blonde & The Final Exam
The blonde reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes/No answers.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, takes a quarter out of her purse. The blonde then starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "No" for tails.
Within 30 minutes she's all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period, the blonde again frantically starts flipping the coin again.
The moderator, concerned about what she's doing, stops by and asks if she's ok.
"Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago -- but, " explained the frantic coin-tossing blonde, "I'm going back thru and checking my answers!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Anniversary!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about couple who are celebrating their 50 years together.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the couple.
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Anniversary
A man and wife were about to celebrate 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful and wealthy agreed to a Sunday dinner in honor
of their parents. As usual, they were all late and had a
varied assortment of excuses.
"Happy anniversary Mom and dad," gushed son number one...."Sorry I'm running late ... had an emergency, you know how it is, didn't have time to get you both a present."
"Not to worry," said the dad...."The important thing is that we're all together today."
Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom still look great dad.
Just flew in from L. A. and didn't have time to get you a present....sorry."
"It's nothing," said the father, "glad you were able to be here."
Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello you both, happy anniversary! I'm sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing ... so I didn't have time to get you guys anything."
Again the father said, "I really don't care, at least the five of us are together today." During dinner, the father put down his knife and fork, looked up and said, "Listen you three, there's something your mother and I wanted to tell you for a long time. Well, ... your mother and I came to this country penniless and desperate. Despite this, we were able to raise each of you and send you to college. We always knew we loved each other but..... never got around to getting married."
The three kids gasped and said, "You mean we're BASTARDS ?"
"Yep," said the dad..... "And cheap ones too!"
Today we have a story about couple who are celebrating their 50 years together.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the couple.
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Anniversary
A man and wife were about to celebrate 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful and wealthy agreed to a Sunday dinner in honor
of their parents. As usual, they were all late and had a
varied assortment of excuses.
"Happy anniversary Mom and dad," gushed son number one...."Sorry I'm running late ... had an emergency, you know how it is, didn't have time to get you both a present."
"Not to worry," said the dad...."The important thing is that we're all together today."
Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom still look great dad.
Just flew in from L. A. and didn't have time to get you a present....sorry."
"It's nothing," said the father, "glad you were able to be here."
Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello you both, happy anniversary! I'm sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing ... so I didn't have time to get you guys anything."
Again the father said, "I really don't care, at least the five of us are together today." During dinner, the father put down his knife and fork, looked up and said, "Listen you three, there's something your mother and I wanted to tell you for a long time. Well, ... your mother and I came to this country penniless and desperate. Despite this, we were able to raise each of you and send you to college. We always knew we loved each other but..... never got around to getting married."
The three kids gasped and said, "You mean we're BASTARDS ?"
"Yep," said the dad..... "And cheap ones too!"
New Medications for Women Only!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a list of new medications for women only. Hope this helps the gals.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we see the list.
She was Sooooooooooooo Blonde......She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
New Medications For Women Only
DAMNITOL, Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT, Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN, Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
PEPTOBIMBO, Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
DUMBEROL, When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country western music.
FLIPITOR, Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
PENISCILLIN, Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,"You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
BUYAGRA, Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL, When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
JACKASSPIRIN, Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT, A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
SEXCEDRIN, More effective than Excedrin in creating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.
Today we have a list of new medications for women only. Hope this helps the gals.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we see the list.
She was Sooooooooooooo Blonde......She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
New Medications For Women Only
DAMNITOL, Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT, Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN, Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
PEPTOBIMBO, Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
DUMBEROL, When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country western music.
FLIPITOR, Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
PENISCILLIN, Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,"You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"
BUYAGRA, Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL, When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
JACKASSPIRIN, Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT, A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
SEXCEDRIN, More effective than Excedrin in creating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.
It doesn't get much sweeter than this!
Just passing along some of the good stuff!
Bromo
It Doesn't Get Much Sweeter Than This
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy."I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Dear God," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money."
"So I did."
Bromo
It Doesn't Get Much Sweeter Than This
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy."I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Dear God," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money."
"So I did."
Monday, September 15, 2008
Bless Me, Father!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about a boy in a confessional box with his priest.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before join the boy.
Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with
a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to
complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of
Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes.
Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups,
the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of
the line, and then see which team set the most poles.
The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a
different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the
one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.
At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the
Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by
his team. He answered 48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the
Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had
done...
Next to report was the foreman of the Irishmen group. When asked, he
reported that they had set 53 poles that day. Again the Superivsor was
thrilled. He dismissed the Italian foreman and asked the Irishman to remain
until the Blondes checked in.
A little while later the Blonde forewoman reported to the Supervisor. "How
many poles did your group set?" He asked. "Two." Replied the Blonde
forewoman.
"What! Just, two!" exclaimed the Supervisor. "The Italians set 48 poles, and
the Irishmen set 53. How could you Blondes have only set two poles?"
"It may be true the Italians and Irishmen buried more poles than us,"
replied the Blonde. "But you should see how much of the poles those bozos
left sticking out of the ground!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today we have a story about a boy in a confessional box with his priest.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before join the boy.
Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with
a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to
complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of
Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes.
Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups,
the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of
the line, and then see which team set the most poles.
The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a
different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the
one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.
At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the
Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by
his team. He answered 48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the
Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had
done...
Next to report was the foreman of the Irishmen group. When asked, he
reported that they had set 53 poles that day. Again the Superivsor was
thrilled. He dismissed the Italian foreman and asked the Irishman to remain
until the Blondes checked in.
A little while later the Blonde forewoman reported to the Supervisor. "How
many poles did your group set?" He asked. "Two." Replied the Blonde
forewoman.
"What! Just, two!" exclaimed the Supervisor. "The Italians set 48 poles, and
the Irishmen set 53. How could you Blondes have only set two poles?"
"It may be true the Italians and Irishmen buried more poles than us,"
replied the Blonde. "But you should see how much of the poles those bozos
left sticking out of the ground!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bless Me, Father!
Tommy Shaughnessy enters the confessional box and says, "Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is
that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell
me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not tell her name."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy,
and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you
now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"
"Five good leads," says Tommy.
The Texas Reporter!
Just passing along some of the good stuff!
Bromo
The Texas reporter
Two boys are playing football at this park in a small town in Texas when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving the life of his friend.
A local sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write the story and says, "I'll title it "Young Longhorn Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal.'"
But I'm not a Longhorn fan," the little hero replies".
"Sorry, since we're in Texas, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and he starts writing again. He asks " How does "Aggie Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack sound?"
"I'm not an Aggie fan either," the boy says. "Oh, I thought everyone in Texas was either for the Aggies or the Longhorns, What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I'm just visiting my cousin, I'm an Arkansas Razorback fan, They're just the best!!!," the boy replies.
The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook, and writes:
"Little Redneck Bastard From Arkansas Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Bromo
The Texas reporter
Two boys are playing football at this park in a small town in Texas when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving the life of his friend.
A local sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write the story and says, "I'll title it "Young Longhorn Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal.'"
But I'm not a Longhorn fan," the little hero replies".
"Sorry, since we're in Texas, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and he starts writing again. He asks " How does "Aggie Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack sound?"
"I'm not an Aggie fan either," the boy says. "Oh, I thought everyone in Texas was either for the Aggies or the Longhorns, What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I'm just visiting my cousin, I'm an Arkansas Razorback fan, They're just the best!!!," the boy replies.
The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook, and writes:
"Little Redneck Bastard From Arkansas Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Son of A #/&@!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about a group of nuns traveling in a car when it got a flat tire.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we check with the nuns.
Did you hear about the blonde that...Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.
Son Of A #/&@!
A group on nuns were traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it.
Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted.
As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack.
"Son-of-a-bitch!" he yelled.
The eldest nun said to him, "That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn't use such language."
"Sorry, Sister," he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he yelled again.
"Please, don't use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn't help us."
"But I get so upset, and it just comes out."
"Well," said the nun, "say something else when you get upset, something like 'Sweet Jesus, help me.'"
So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped. He started to say "Son...", but he corrected himself and said, "Sweet Jesus help me."
At that, the car floated up into the air by itself.
The nuns looked at the car and said, "Son-of-a-bitch!"
Today we have a story about a group of nuns traveling in a car when it got a flat tire.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we check with the nuns.
Did you hear about the blonde that...Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.
Son Of A #/&@!
A group on nuns were traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it.
Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted.
As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack.
"Son-of-a-bitch!" he yelled.
The eldest nun said to him, "That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn't use such language."
"Sorry, Sister," he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he yelled again.
"Please, don't use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn't help us."
"But I get so upset, and it just comes out."
"Well," said the nun, "say something else when you get upset, something like 'Sweet Jesus, help me.'"
So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped. He started to say "Son...", but he corrected himself and said, "Sweet Jesus help me."
At that, the car floated up into the air by itself.
The nuns looked at the car and said, "Son-of-a-bitch!"
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Senility and the Spotlight!
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story abouit two elderly women out driving in a large car....hope you don't meet them while you are out driving.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the ladies.
Did you hear about the blonde that.....Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the left guard.
Senility & The Stoplight!
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again... and again they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"
From 10/10/2003
Today we have a story abouit two elderly women out driving in a large car....hope you don't meet them while you are out driving.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we join the ladies.
Did you hear about the blonde that.....Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the left guard.
Senility & The Stoplight!
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again... and again they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"
From 10/10/2003
Thoughts for the Day!
Hi Gang,
Today we have some great Thoughts For The Day.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we get to the Thoughts.
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Thoughts For The Day
Some new thoughts on life... I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is sexually transmitted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these terrorists --- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From 10/9/03
Today we have some great Thoughts For The Day.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we get to the Thoughts.
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Thoughts For The Day
Some new thoughts on life... I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is sexually transmitted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these terrorists --- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From 10/9/03
Finally sold..................
Hi Gang,
Today we have a story about a guy who was a great salesman.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet the salesman.
Did you hear about the blonde that....Thought "Moby Dick" was a venereal disease.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Finally Sold.....
When the store manager returned from lunch, he was shocked to see that his clerk's hand was bandaged. Before having the chance to ask him what had happened, the clerk had some really good news for him.
"Guess what?" the clerk said. "It finally happened. I sold that really ugly suit we've had for so long."
"Are you referring to that repulsive orange and brown, double-breasted thing?" asked the manager.
"That's the one, sir," replied the clerk.
"That's great!" exclaimed the manager. "I was afraid we'd never get rid of that horrid monstrosity! That had to have been the ugliest suit we've ever had! But, tell me, why is your hand bandaged?"
"Oh, that," the clerk replied. "Well, after I sold the guy the suit, his darn guide dog bit me!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From 10/8/03
Today we have a story about a guy who was a great salesman.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet the salesman.
Did you hear about the blonde that....Thought "Moby Dick" was a venereal disease.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Finally Sold.....
When the store manager returned from lunch, he was shocked to see that his clerk's hand was bandaged. Before having the chance to ask him what had happened, the clerk had some really good news for him.
"Guess what?" the clerk said. "It finally happened. I sold that really ugly suit we've had for so long."
"Are you referring to that repulsive orange and brown, double-breasted thing?" asked the manager.
"That's the one, sir," replied the clerk.
"That's great!" exclaimed the manager. "I was afraid we'd never get rid of that horrid monstrosity! That had to have been the ugliest suit we've ever had! But, tell me, why is your hand bandaged?"
"Oh, that," the clerk replied. "Well, after I sold the guy the suit, his darn guide dog bit me!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From 10/8/03
The Picture on the Night Stand!
Just passing along some of the good stuff!
Bromo
The Picture on the Night Stand
After a long night of making love the guy rolls over and is looking around, when he notices a framed picture of another man on the night stand by the bed. Naturally, he began to worry. Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
Is it your dad or your brother?" he said, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she said.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From 10/7/03
Bromo
The Picture on the Night Stand
After a long night of making love the guy rolls over and is looking around, when he notices a framed picture of another man on the night stand by the bed. Naturally, he began to worry. Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
Is it your dad or your brother?" he said, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she said.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From 10/7/03
The Hitch Hiker!
Hi Gang,
We have a story today about a Hitch-Hiker a husband picked up on the way home from work.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet the Hitch-Hiker.
Did you hear about the blonde that gave her cat a bath?
She is still trying to get all the hair off her tongue.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Hitch-Hiker
A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out "Perhaps you should hear how all this came about..."
"I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman hitch-hiking along the Turnpike. She was looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge."
"She was bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which you had discarded because they had gone out of style."
"She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the color didn't suit you."
"Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans,which were perfectly good, but too small for you now."
"Then, just as she was about to leave, she asked, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From 10/7/03
We have a story today about a Hitch-Hiker a husband picked up on the way home from work.
Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we meet the Hitch-Hiker.
Did you hear about the blonde that gave her cat a bath?
She is still trying to get all the hair off her tongue.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Hitch-Hiker
A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out "Perhaps you should hear how all this came about..."
"I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman hitch-hiking along the Turnpike. She was looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge."
"She was bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which you had discarded because they had gone out of style."
"She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the color didn't suit you."
"Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans,which were perfectly good, but too small for you now."
"Then, just as she was about to leave, she asked, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From 10/7/03
From Jim Coleman
According to my records this is the last e-mail I received from our friend Bromo. His illness must have really come on fast.
Further to the point I can see him now explaining this one to Our Lord and Maker.
How timely and priceless was this one.
Jim
Hi Gang,
We have a collection of actual statements written by children about the bible. Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we get to the children. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? They keep breaking them with the hammer. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Thou Shall Not Admit Adultery? The following statements about the bible have been written by children and havenot been retouched or corrected (i.e. bad spelling has been left in): * In the first book of the Bible, Guiness, God got tired of creating the world,so he took the Sabbath off. * Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. * Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. * Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. * Lots wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. * The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. * Samson was a strongman who let himself be lead astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. * Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. * The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. * Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. * The first commandment as when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. * The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. * Moses died before he ever reached Canada. * Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. * The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. * David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. * Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. * When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. * When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. * Jesus was born because Mary had a immaculate contraption. * St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head. * Jesus enunicated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." * It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get thetombstone off the entrance. * The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. * The epistles were the wives of the apostles. * One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. * St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,which is another name for marriage. * A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Further to the point I can see him now explaining this one to Our Lord and Maker.
How timely and priceless was this one.
Jim
Hi Gang,
We have a collection of actual statements written by children about the bible. Bromo in Chicken Country calling the HOGS with a blonde 'thingy' before we get to the children. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? They keep breaking them with the hammer. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Thou Shall Not Admit Adultery? The following statements about the bible have been written by children and havenot been retouched or corrected (i.e. bad spelling has been left in): * In the first book of the Bible, Guiness, God got tired of creating the world,so he took the Sabbath off. * Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. * Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. * Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. * Lots wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. * The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. * Samson was a strongman who let himself be lead astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. * Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. * The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. * Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. * The first commandment as when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. * The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. * Moses died before he ever reached Canada. * Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. * The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. * David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. * Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. * When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. * When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. * Jesus was born because Mary had a immaculate contraption. * St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head. * Jesus enunicated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." * It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get thetombstone off the entrance. * The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. * The epistles were the wives of the apostles. * One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. * St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,which is another name for marriage. * A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From Alyce Terry
Yes, it does happen to the best! I will miss Bromo terribly, but can you just imagine the reunion he and Foy Howard are having?!! Bromo never forgot a friend and he was a true friend to the end.
Ute, May peace and healing be with you and know I am praying for your strength.
Alyce (Flanary) Terry
Ute, May peace and healing be with you and know I am praying for your strength.
Alyce (Flanary) Terry
From Barbara Suber
Dear Arkansas Chapter Members:
I now have the arrangements for Bromo's services along with some pictures and other information I want to share with everyone today.
Services: 10:00 AM in the Sisco Funeral Chapel, 705 W. Meadow Ave., Springdale, Ar. (479-751-4577)
Cards: 2021 N. Ball Ave., Fayetteville, AR 72703
Memorials: Springdale Kiwanis Foundation
(The complete obituary will be published in the Fayetteville paper tomorrow.)
I don't know about all of you, but I am already missing him! The last message I received from him was sent last Thursday morning, August 7 at 8:30 and since I was in St. Louis, I actually didn't open it until Monday morning. I never got a chance to respond to it because I then immediately opened the message from Fredia at the Fayetteville Housing Authority telling me about his condition. This morning I received a copy of that same message he had sent me from Jim Coleman and after reading Jim's comments I decided to share it with everyone because it is so typically Bromo and so appropriate for him to have another good laugh before he entered those pearly gates.
Today, It wouldn't surprise me if he wasn't already calling the "angel hogs" and telling"dumb blonde jokes" and "blonde thingies" and catching up on all the NAHRO and housing news with his good friend FOY Howard.
Someone should put together a collection of jokes and memories of stories that Bromo has shared throughout his life because it would bring laughter to all of our lives. My favorite story was about the time he and his family were stranded on the East coast in a snowstorm and they had to spend the night in a makeshift shelter. I would love to have a recording of him telling it again so that I could play it whenever I needed a good laugh or pick-me-up. It was the most hilarious thing I have ever heard. I bet each of you have a favorite memory or story also.
The last time I talked to him was before the Spring conference and I begged him to come and surprise everyone in Fort Smith and give out the door prizes but he said he wouldn't be able to this time but would promise to come to Eureka Springs next year. Since he retired in 2003 I have often referred to him as my "retarded, I mean retired friend." I think Tom Oliver, our Southwest Service Officer said it best: "He brought us much joy and laughter, and would rather be recalled with a smile than with tears."
Thanks Bromo for all the Memories!
Hope you enjoy his last message below and the attached pictures. The first 3 are from Fayetteville Archives in 1988 & 89 and the last 8 were taken at his retirement reception in Siloam Springs, June 2003.
Barbara SuberPresidentArkansas Chapter NAHRO
I now have the arrangements for Bromo's services along with some pictures and other information I want to share with everyone today.
Services: 10:00 AM in the Sisco Funeral Chapel, 705 W. Meadow Ave., Springdale, Ar. (479-751-4577)
Cards: 2021 N. Ball Ave., Fayetteville, AR 72703
Memorials: Springdale Kiwanis Foundation
(The complete obituary will be published in the Fayetteville paper tomorrow.)
I don't know about all of you, but I am already missing him! The last message I received from him was sent last Thursday morning, August 7 at 8:30 and since I was in St. Louis, I actually didn't open it until Monday morning. I never got a chance to respond to it because I then immediately opened the message from Fredia at the Fayetteville Housing Authority telling me about his condition. This morning I received a copy of that same message he had sent me from Jim Coleman and after reading Jim's comments I decided to share it with everyone because it is so typically Bromo and so appropriate for him to have another good laugh before he entered those pearly gates.
Today, It wouldn't surprise me if he wasn't already calling the "angel hogs" and telling"dumb blonde jokes" and "blonde thingies" and catching up on all the NAHRO and housing news with his good friend FOY Howard.
Someone should put together a collection of jokes and memories of stories that Bromo has shared throughout his life because it would bring laughter to all of our lives. My favorite story was about the time he and his family were stranded on the East coast in a snowstorm and they had to spend the night in a makeshift shelter. I would love to have a recording of him telling it again so that I could play it whenever I needed a good laugh or pick-me-up. It was the most hilarious thing I have ever heard. I bet each of you have a favorite memory or story also.
The last time I talked to him was before the Spring conference and I begged him to come and surprise everyone in Fort Smith and give out the door prizes but he said he wouldn't be able to this time but would promise to come to Eureka Springs next year. Since he retired in 2003 I have often referred to him as my "retarded, I mean retired friend." I think Tom Oliver, our Southwest Service Officer said it best: "He brought us much joy and laughter, and would rather be recalled with a smile than with tears."
Thanks Bromo for all the Memories!
Hope you enjoy his last message below and the attached pictures. The first 3 are from Fayetteville Archives in 1988 & 89 and the last 8 were taken at his retirement reception in Siloam Springs, June 2003.
Barbara SuberPresidentArkansas Chapter NAHRO
From Steve Knight
Damn..... Guess it happens to the best, and......BROMO WAS THE BEST. I think I have known Bromo for about 14 or 15 years now....back when prodigy was just message boards....the old times....Spring Fling, Run for the Roses...etc. Will surely miss his daily e-mails with the blonde thingies and the fun. I still have the Razorback Pig head that he sent me a while back....now...I know I'll have to keep it forever. Gonna send a card, as I hope you all will. I know a few of you, Jen, Paula, Deb #1 and Marsh....for those of you I don't know...Bromo was a geart guy....a friend, and one who would do anything for anyone that he could. I'll definitely miss him.....may he rest in peace..and know there are lots of folks out there who love him, Steve, aka drmsknight.
From Ute Wilson - Bromo's wife
8/11 Bromo passed away after a short illness. Visitation is Tomorrow, 8/15, service is Saturday 8/16 at Sisco Funeral home in Springdale Arkansas at 10am. Thank you for your concern,
Ute Wilson
Ute Wilson
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